Everything You Want
by witch-mistress-animaru
Summary: SS She's always looked for love in the wrong places, not knowing that it might be around the corner. If only she'll realize it, Syaoran could be everything she wants, everything she needs...something that even her "dream" guy can't be...her love. COMPLETE
1. Full Summary

Everything you want

Witch-Mistress-Animaru

A/N: I grasp at precious creative juices as tightly as I could. So before this idea loses its zest, I might as well bring it to fruition. I know you tire of my senseless ranting and my ever-unfinished, kilometric fics which seem to run forever. Well, this one is just a short story—or so I planned unless you like the idea so much.

One-time disclaimer: CCS isn't mine—you should know that by now after more than a dozen fics. Everything You Want isn't mine as well. However, the lines I plan to use at the epilogue, alterations of said song, are made by me.

Story Background: Inspired by listening a dozen times (or so it seems to me) to Vertical Horizon's Everything You Want. The chapters are somewhat long, and my plan is that this will have less than ten chapters. Each chapter is supposedly based on the lyrics of said song, but I don't think I can pull that one off. If you'll believe me (and if I don't change my mind halfway), this fic will run a course of eight chapters and an epilogue. I also plan to finish this fic as soon as I can, not like the rest which may take (honestly speaking) years before we may see their ends. And unlike the almost epic-in-length My Husband's Wedding, I do plan to be precise and concise with this one.

Summary: A successful novelist, Sakura Kinomoto's name never fails to appear in the monthly bestseller lists. She seemingly has everything she wanted, or in any case, everything she needed—except for one thing, the one thing which made her books a huge success: full-blown romance.

Oh, she's no recluse. Don't get the wrong idea. In fact, she has a date scheduled almost every night. However, her dates end up in somewhat a disappointing manner. Usually she finds flaws in the man's character, behavior, or maybe she just finds him too flawless and becomes convinced he was being artificial. The problem, she surmised, stems from the fact that she dreams of fairy tale endings and in her mind she has a picture of her ideal prince charming.

On the verge of giving up her childish hopes, she meets Eriol Hiiragizawa—her prince charming personified, from his twinkling blue eyes to his very attitude. He was everything she could ever hope and wish for. And he seems very into her. There's only one thing that bothers her: the spark she was, indeed, waiting for, wasn't there when they touched, or when he kissed her.

He was perfect, only the situation wasn't. She supposed she could be content with that...only she wasn't.

If only she could feel for him, truly feel for him, aside from her rather calculating assessment of him...

Yet her heart betrayed her to the one man she never thought of romantically: Li Syaoran—her boss and newfound friend.

Post-A/N: I plan to finish this before the break ends. This has three chapters ready for uploading at present.


	2. Chapter 1: Everything He Wants

Everything you want

Witch-Mistress-Animaru

A/N: First chapter. Meet our heroine in this short and concise story.

Are happy endings really of essence? I mean, it is only worth reading not precisely because it's a happy ending, not because you wonder _how_ it came to end that way? Sometimes stories make sense only when they end in tragedy. No sense trying to fit a fairy tale ending to a realist drama. Don't get any ideas, though—this is a happy ending for SS. Was there any doubt about that?

Sequels are possible; just let me find the appropriate songs for Eriol and Tomoyo and Touya and Meiling.

1: Everything he wants

"_Cause I still believe in destiny_

_That you and I are meant to be..._

_...Cause I still believe, believe in love."_

_- I Still Believe, Hayden Panettiere_

_"You can't run away from who you really are, Cinderella. You want the ballroom and romance."_

"_I want it in real life, Derek. I want romance and moonlight and passion, not scripted lines. I want my dearest wish to come true."_

– _Excerpts from Cinderella's Rebellion, Blair Valentine_

"Top of the bestseller list again," Li Syaoran, head of _Aishou Publishing,_ commented the moment Kinomoto Sakura entered the threshold of his office. His amber eyes held her emerald ones briefly in a congratulatory gaze before he gestured towards the seat before him. "I must say, you have really outdone yourself this time, my dear."

Sakura frowned at the use of the endearment. She was not certain how to react. Yes, granted she had known Li Syaoran for a good four years now, ever since she worked as a clerk for _Aishou_ , her writing prowess still unbeknownst to even herself, but he was only her enigmatic boss from the start. He wouldn't have paid any attention to her if not for some fluff she drabbled on a piece of scratch paper which he'd seen.

Still, in the almost three years since she met Li Syaoran personally, their encounters have always bordered on professional. Somehow, she never thought much of him outside work—despite the fact that he's probably the handsomest man she had ever seen. Perhaps his reputation as a lady's man was partly to blame for her silent disdain for the man.

It was unfair, she knew; she didn't even know the man on a personal level. Besides, on the later years of her career, after she'd shot up so suddenly in the world of romantic fiction, they rarely met. There was a middle man handling their affairs for them. After he'd congratulated her on her debut novel, the only times they met had been in passing—and she wasn't entirely sure he really noticed her then. A couple of times he was with clients, a couple of times with some woman, and yet another time he was shouting himself hoarse over the phone, his brows burrowed so tightly she thought they'd never pry apart again.

So this call had been a surprise, really. She wondered what was so special about today. And she had not the slightest idea.

---

Syaoran didn't know what came over him when he picked up the phone and dialed Kinomoto Sakura's number. There wasn't anything new this month, he thought, and he could see his own puzzlement reflected in her eyes.

"This...well, this is your...uh," damn, if he wasn't stuttering! He was at a loss of words for the first time in his adult life!

But was it his fault that her eyes seemed greener and her hair sleek and shiny? Was it his fault for getting so tongue-tied?

"...I meant to say, this is your 30th book, I believe. "

"So it is," she blinked, taken aback by the fact that he knew. "I...didn't realize it."

"And the twelfth time you made it to the top of the Tokyo Bestseller list, I believe. This calls for a celebration, if you will agree." The words were out before he can think better of it. Was he asking his subordinate to go out with him on a date? That's stupid!

"What?" She blurted out, feeling more confused by the second.

"Er...if you don't have anything to do later, we can have dinner," he rushed on, feeling he might lose his bravado if he didn't do so.

"Oh," was all she could say as his words sunk in. "Much as I'd like to accept your offer, Mr. Li, I happen to have a date tonight," she said matter-of-factly.

"Oh." He hated the disappointment in his voice. "How about lunch, then?" He went on, feeling the need to further their discussion.

"Uh...it is okay, I guess." She said, gazing at him questioningly, as if she was marveling on the fact that he invited her. Then she brightened. "And as you said, it's my 30th book, after all."

And Li Syaoran was mesmerized.

---

They chose to dine at a rather grandiose restaurant at a nearby hotel. Even after she's earned hard bucks, Sakura couldn't still fathom why people spent so much on so little—come on, who ever saw dining places of such caliber with heaping servings?

Her discomfort must have shown on her face, for he turned to her and asked, "Are you alright? I mean, is this place okay with you? I never did ask you."

"Oh, its okay enough, I guess," she said with a strained smile. "It's just that...this isn't really my kind of place. I think the pressure to dine with decorum might cause indigestion on my part," she kidded as she smiled reassuringly at him.

Syaoran, however, was far from reassured. He didn't want to cause her discomfort in their first night out.

"We can go to another place."

"No, no, it's fine. We are celebrating, after all," she said as a maître d' ushered them to a table.

She let him order for both of them as she tried not to give in to the pressure she felt.

Heavens, she never felt so out of her element before.

"No need to look so nervous, Sakura—I may call you Sakura, right?"

"Er, Mr. Li, is it advisable to do so?" She asked queasily. She never really felt at home with this guy much, she realized.

"Oh, nonsense. Call me Syaoran. We've known each other for three years. Four, if you'd count that first year," he said casually. The maître d' poured wine on their glasses; Syaoran gestured at the wine glass. Sakura obliged and took a sip; she could feel her taut nerves loosening up.

"If you insist, Syaoran it is, then," she said, surprising even herself at how easy she spoke his name.

"Tell me," he whispered, so softly that she had to come closer, oblivious to how intimate their actions seemed to everyone else. "Where do you get such novel ideas for your stories? That last one—it was beyond wonderful, if you ask me."

She laughed. She never thought anyone would ask her that. "Oh, I date various kinds of men," she said. "Not for ideas, but usually they end up being exactly that. I take their good qualities and discard the rest. So my heroes are always a weird bunch of mix-ups. One time I dated a surgeon and a rock star-wannabe consecutively, I ended up creating Carmichael, the coolest neurosurgeon I ever saw."

"Isn't it unfair, though, that your heroes are near-perfect and your heroines are klutzes?"

"Oh, not really. She's smarter than she's letting on usually. It's just the way my mind goes, I guess. Besides, it's the way of society, isn't it? We need to be damsels in distress to catch ourselves a dragon—sorry, I meant a prince. Or a knight. Though I can't really tell the difference. Oh, dear, I'm blabbing, aren't I?"

"I don't mind," he said quickly, smiling at her. She felt relieved. She thought he might fire her on the spot, as she regarded him uptight and strict.

"You see, somehow, I think those stories are part of me—some weird dream, or wish, whichever you want to call it. If each date ended differently, that story would have been mine. Or if he had been a bit more considerate to me or something to that effect, the evening won't have been such a disappointment."

"Maybe you're being too hard on the man?" He asked gently.

"No, I wasn't. Or maybe I was. I don't really care, but I find it somehow works for me, this constant dating thingy, because it's where I get my ideas. And it keeps me well-fed and sheltered, so I shouldn't really be so imposing on Fate."

"You speak as if fate is an entity."

"But it is," she said. "I believe so. Like now," she added, and Syaoran caught his breath. _Did she feel it, too? That wonderful pull of something drawing me to her?_ "I believe Fate has something to do with you dining with me. It might manifest that you'd give me a raise in my pay," she went on and laughed. Syaoran felt his shoulders sloop in disappointment. _Trust her so-called fate to play tricks on me._

Oh, what a joke. Fate must be laughing to her heart's content.

Her? God, he was thinking like Fate the Entity did exist!

Yet it didn't change the fact that he's attracted to this particular female.

---

The conversation drifted on, from her novels to her failed dates to the weather. Sakura lost all previous anxieties she felt—she absolutely felt at ease with him, like she could tell him anything, anything at all and he won't mind one bit.

He won't get turned off or disgusted. Not that she felt romantically inclined towards him—his caliber with women still amounts to something, she decided.

By the time they'd returned to the office, they were laughing off like a pair of crazy idiots.

It was decided, therefore: Li Syaoran became Sakura's newest best friend, apart from Tomoyo.

And she felt she could be herself with him, her supposed boss.

---

Truth be told, Sakura felt wistful every time she opened her own books and read the words aloud.

She sometimes wished she could trade her wonderful imagination and wit for a real relationship. Then she comes to resent the idea that she's so desperate to have one. Case in point: for the past three years, she has dated more than a hundred men. Just these past three months, she has dated no less than 30 men, whose names she could barely remember.

How pathetic could you get? She wondered.

Somehow, her dates always kept coming short of her standards, of her ideal man.

And that's the trouble—she can't get herself to settle for second best. She always thought she'd find Mr. Right eventually, if she looked for him hard enough.

And tonight, another man will add to the ranks of her failed 'relationships,' the never-were's.

He was, apparently, some weird computer wiz Tomoyo set-up with her. And she came to dread the moment she had to face him.

She went down her condominium unit at seven, wincing as she thought of the dull discussions that will transpire that night. So, okay, she liked computers—she couldn't live without her sounds, games and e-books, could she? And of course, her word processor, the very lifeblood of her work, relied on some good hardware and software. But she can't talk all her life about such impersonal, cold and unfeeling stuff!

Resigning to her fate, she stepped out of the elevator.

---

Sakura was right again, of course. Akira Fujiyama had been a complete bore from the start. He ate absently, kept on droning on and on about some software he's developing and how he hopes to sell its IPR to IBM or Intel. Talk about a geek so full of his self.

"...and it's a real cool P2P type of software that could put Limewire out of business, if you know what I mean? It's sure to zest up the market for such shareware. It's the future of everything, I tell you."

She nodded absently, his words merely passing through her already strained brain.

"And aside from that I'm trying to make yet another antivirus and a new anti-spyware to boot. Isn't that nice? Less chances of falling prey to hacking and those destructive viruses which circulate on the net. It's difficult to make, but with brains like mine, it was all a breeze. Isn't it cool to have the ability to create software at your disposal? Well, I guess it's just the genes on me, see? My mom, she's a straitlaced professor at Tokyo U and father's a doctor. It's hardly a surprise that I succeeded as well."

Blech. She squirmed on her seat, trying to find a way to escape Mr.-I'm-So-Smart-I'm-Going-To-Earn-Millions.

Then she saw Li Syaoran enter the threshold. She was saved.

"Uh, excuse me, Fujiyama-san, but I see my..." _would friend suffice or boss will do better?_ She decided on the latter. "...boss coming. Much as I enjoy your delightful company, I really need to see him now."

Akira Fujiyama nodded absently and she dashed off.

"Syaoran," she called out. He turned to her with a frown. His frown turned to a smile when he saw her.

"Sakura," he returned, pausing. "On that date, I suppose?"

"Oh, yeah, I was. But I'm not sure I want to still be on a date."

"What do you mean?"

"He's such a _geek,_" the last word came out in a frustrated sigh. "And he's full of himself."

"Color me surprised," he said dryly.

"Are you dining with anyone?"

"Supposedly, with my cousin."

"Well, can't you cancel it out, act like we need to discuss something badly? Please, I beg you."

"You do realize this is a favor I'm doing you."

"I realize that, and I'm grateful for it. Now, please?" Syaoran sighed before dialing.

"Hello? Meiling. Something came up. I know you still aren't at the restaurant. Don't come here anymore. Some other time, I promise. Business, yes. Okay. I'm sorry. Goodbye."

_The things I'm willing to do for this girl..._ he thought bemusedly. _And to think I noticed her only earlier..._

Yet Sakura didn't seem to appreciate it too much.

Now, if only he can get her to realize he's the knight in shining armor she's longing for...

---

"...I'm a complete failure when it comes to dating, if you know what I mean," the evening found Sakura and Syaoran seated in a park bench. Sakura was munching on her takoyaki as she spoke, uncaring if she was being improper. "God, I'm never going to dine in such a resto again! They really starve you, you know?"

Syaoran merely smiled, casting his gaze at her as she went on talking.

"I do thank you for whisking me away from that pompous geek. How was I supposed to know he was the most boring creature I have ever met? Tomoyo did say he was less than okay, but...oh, wait. I did say, however, that she let me be the judge. Next time I'll let her be the judge before she sets me up with anyone."

"That seems sensible," he said as he took a bite on his own takoyaki.

"I thought last night it couldn't get any worse...but I guess I was wrong. I mean, that stupid jerk last night was all brawn, no brains at all, and I thought, 'what can be worse than a cork-brained jerk who knows nothing but fight with his fists?' Apparently this computer wiz makes Mr.-No-Brain look much better. Pfft." She started counting with her fingers. "...two, three...four...oh, yeah, I had four dates this week, what could you say about that? Not to mention one I cancelled because of some convention..."

Her voice drifted off and they ate in silence for a minute. Then, she turned to him and said, "I never knew our boss could be so much fun."

"Is that an insult or a compliment?"

"Oh, definitely a compliment. You see, I used to think of you as—" she gestured wildly with her arms and continued in a deep voice, "—the ogre. And it's a wonder, really, how nice you turned out to be, being my friend and all so suddenly. No offense meant."

"None taken, as you just said complimented me, right?"

"Right," she said with a snort. "Tell me, where do you spend your evenings? Apart from saving klutzes like me from horrendous dates?"

"At home, usually, looking at some figures. I also date sometimes."

"Really? And are your dates affable? I mean, I don't need to rescue you from them, do I?"

"Oh, they're generally pleasant." He said with a laugh.

"They should be. You don't deserve anything less, if you know what I mean. You're a good man, sir," she added jokingly in a mock salute.

He smiled wanly. If she only knew she was the only one he wanted.


	3. Chapter 2: Everything She Fears

Everything you want

Witch-Mistress-Animaru

A/N: Second chapter. Surprised you, didn't I? Two updates—three if you count the full summary, in a span of less than 24 hours. That's record speed for me, and for most of us, I guess. I'm on my way to writing chapter 4, by the way.

2: Everything she fears (and secretly wants)

"_They read you Cinderella; you hoped it would come true_

_That one day a prince charming will come rescue you..._

_...And all these time that you've been waiting_

_You don't have to wait no more..._

_I can love you like that; I will make you my world_

_Move heaven and earth, if you were my girl,_

_I will give you my heart, be all that you need_

_Show you you're everything that's precious to me_

_If you'd give me a chance, I can love you like that._

_...You don't have to look very far..."_

_- I Can Love You Like That, All 4 One_

A month later, Sakura has written yet another bestseller. The hero is a somewhat buff-bodied, slightly arrogant and smart, albeit insensitive computer wiz who likes fistfights. The heroine was, as one might have guessed, your average Jane with klutzy tendencies and a habit of babbling.

Quite like the authoress, of course. Or how she perceives herself.

There is an additional character in her book, however, which caught the attention of critics: the heroine's best _guy_ friend; a handsome, smart, successful and rich man readers silently wished was the heroine's love interest. But no—he remained a loyal friend to the end, without even the slightest hint that he's attracted to his friend...although he did act occasionally as the heroine's knight in shining armor.

It didn't take a genius to see who this best friend is patterned from, if they knew Sakura, at any rate. And frankly, Syaoran so badly wanted to point out a huge flaw in the said character—he's definitely attracted to Sakura, and she can't be more wrong on that point. Really, for Sakura's keen sense and a penchant for extreme detail, the girl can be a dunce when it came to the opposite sex and their feelings.

Yet the book has earned yet another bestseller for its sheer comic appeal, according to critics. It wasn't just romance—it was relief from all the heavy drama and tearjerkers to be found at bookstores today. They said it was convincing, especially the best friend character, which was plain genius. They all applauded at the way she ended the story (many had speculated that the story will take the usual route of the perfect best friend being the love interest this time, but no!)—it was, as they say, unique. The hero may be imperfect, but he was perfect in the heroine's eyes.

The best friend may have been ideal, in fact, _too_ ideal, but he just wasn't the man for the heroine.

Nothing could have hurt Syaoran more.

But he can't very well tell her that, can he?

So here he was, summoning her to his office once more, like that first day.

The door burst open and in came a positively glowing Sakura. He smiled; his earlier disdain and disposition quite forgotten.

"Hey," she said as she propped down in the seat before him, not bothering to wait for him to do so. "I'm pooped," she went on, sighing deeply as she settled in.

"I surmised as much," he said dryly as his secretary entered with two cups of coffee and pastries on a tray. "Have some," he gestured towards the tray the secretary set down on the table.

"Oh, you don't have to tell me," she said swiftly as she took a pastry and began eating. "So, tell me, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Your book, of course," he said blankly, and then he smiled when he saw her scowl.

"You can do better than that," she said with mock disdain. "You're not very good with my ego, Li Syaoran."

"Oh, very well. I wanted to invite you for dinner. And don't say you have some date to go to—you know very well that your date will probably be a fiasco again."

"You're being too tactless for your own good. How do you know it will be the same as the others?"

"Oh, yeah?" He said mockingly. "Let's see...last week, you had—what—five dates? And I had to pick you up from wherever you're dining so I can rescue you from your date that either made a pass at you or conceited or..."

"Okay, okay, I got the point, mister. However, I have no date for the evening. So you're wrong on that note. But...I can't come."

_Figures_, he thought.

"I have to accompany my cousin and best friend Tomoyo to a fashion show later tonight. If you want to come..."

"Oh, not really," he said quickly. He had planned it all week long, but it seemed Fate was working against him. "Go and have fun, then."

"You're not mad, are you?" She asked cautiously, eyeing his face with such wonder that he wanted to laugh. And weep.

_Right on one, sweetheart. I'm so mad at Fate for doing this._

"Must be laughing to her heart's content," he murmured.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. Have fun. I'll be fine."

"You're sure you're okay?" She can really be thoughtful at times. This didn't help at all. It makes it harder to accept the fact that they'll only be friends.

"Oh, sure, sure," he said quickly. "Enjoy the bodz parading in front of you later," he teased.

"What the—hentai, Syaoran, just hentai," she bit out, smiling despite of herself. "So why don't you come? See a bit of...ahem...flashy flesh?"

He snorted in laughter. "Trust you to turn my own joke against me."

"Well, you know me. Words are my business."

"I believe words are my business as well." He said, smiling. "So we're well-matched."

"Oh, bother it all. Publishing books and writing are incomparable."

"If you say so," he said nonchalantly. Damned if he was going to let their conversation steer to work and publishing. "What are you going to write next?"

"I don't really know yet. Maybe something angst-y for a change," she mused. "Hmm. Now that's a thought. By the by, I need to go soon." She winced. "Tomoyo won't take it kindly if I didn't show up early to, as she calls it, 'prepare' for the night."

"She really means everything to you, doesn't she?" He asked softly, but she only made a face at him.

"She's really unbearable most of the time—but I won't trade her for the world."

Then she was already standing up and leaving.

He sighed when the door closed softly after her.

He has just realized how cruel life can be. He was, in some sense, a lady's man.

Until he met Sakura, there were dozens of women he were seeing casually. There were two or three he regarded as semi-serious, though never quite.

But Sakura came, and everything changed. Her presence reformed him.

It was just damned ironic that she didn't see past the amiable fellow who was her new friend.

It was cruel of Fate that she allowed him to meet her if he can't have her.

It was unfair to him that the one woman he truly, truly wanted did not have romantic notions about him.

Talk about karma.

Yet, despite all these, he kept hoping that she'll see him one day as a man and not as a harmless fixture in her life.

But he wished she'd hurry up. He was an impatient man, and if she didn't show signs of development he will...

...he will...God, he's even worrying about destroying their friendship! Why can't he just take her? Why can't he just open her eyes to his true feelings?

Because that won't be fair. It would tantamount to forcing himself on her.

He wants her to realize she loved him.

_Love? _He wanted to laugh harshly at that. When did love come to the picture?

Whatever. What matters is this: he will do everything to try and make her love him.

And if by chance she saw someone else she preferred, who was he to condemn her?

Even if it will break his heart to see her walk away, he was going to allow it to happen.

God, what a martyr he'd become.

Shaking his head, he went back to the proposals he was studying before he called her in.

---

"Aw, Tomoyo, that hurt!"

"This will only take a minute, Sakura-chan," she could hear the evil giggle in her best friend's words.

"You know well enough I hate it when you do this to my hair."

"But curls are perfect on you, my dear. Sorry if the hair rollers hurt but that's the price of looking pretty tonight at the fashion show."

"Tomoyo, will it do me any good to point out that I'm _watching_ the fashion show, not _modeling _for it?"

"No."

"Figures," she said with a scowl.

"Tell me, will Li be joining us tonight?" Sakura didn't hear the matchmaking tone in her friend's voice—maybe she was just really stupid when it came to Syaoran.

"No, he—er... I think he wanted us to have dinner tonight, but I will never, ever forsake—"

"What?!" Tomoyo's shriek nearly blew her eardrums off. "Why didn't you say so? I would have been eager to cancel our arrangements for tonight! Sakura, why did you say no?"

"Because I can't say no to you!" She said stubbornly.

"Oh, God, what am I to do with you? Call him now. Tell him I canceled the arrangements."

"Really, Tomie-chan, what do you think of me? That desperate for a date? It's just a friendly gesture, you know? He invited me out for a friendly date, so we can catch up on each other's lives."

"Really, you're not desperate, at least not so much—sometimes you're just stupid." Tomoyo has met Li Syaoran on several occasions, and unlike Sakura, she knew at once that the man was over the moon, head-over-heels in love with her best friend.

"Tomoyo!!!"

"I'll call him now," she said, leaving Sakura inside the room with her curlers still on. "Either I cancel or he comes with us."

"Tell me, Tomoyo, are you attracted to him?"

Tomoyo stopped on her tracks. She was about to shout a sharp retort when an idea came to her. Smiling slyly, she turned back and asked, "What if I was?"

"Nothing," Sakura said quickly, too quickly in Tomoyo's opinion. "It's just that...I'm not saying he's a bad man, but...but...his reputation when it comes to women suffers, you do know that, don't you?"

Tomoyo shook her head in disdain. Her best friend could be really stupid sometimes. She was already half in love with the man, but won't even admit it to herself.

Sheesh.

"Tomoyo, you heard me, right? Tomoyo!!!"

---

Syaoran was going through some new publishing material when his phone rang.

He let the answering machine take the call, lost in his thoughts.

Until the message sunk on his senses.

"...Li, if you're there, pick up. This is Daidouji. I figured Sakura turned down your—"

At the mention of Sakura's name, he looked up, dashed toward the phone and nearly got knocked down by his own table.

"—invitation to dinner because of me. Well, I can make arrangements later so you can come with us or I can cancel outright so you'd have dinner with her."

"She told you that?"

"Of course not," she said, and he could tell she was grinning slyly. "But of course we could make it appear like this—"

Tomoyo let him in on her suspicions and he could feel his spirits lift in spite of himself.

"...if I can make her jealous enough, she might come around. What say you?"

"I don't know..." and he seriously didn't. What if the plan failed? "It may backfire on us."

"Well, that's a chance we have to take. Are you in?"

"Not exactly...but I'm willing to put the idea to test tonight."

"So you're coming?"

"Sure."

"Great! Come around at seven. Bring your flashy car with you. Dazzle her, you know. Cause she's going to be a knockout tonight, I swear."

"With you on her trail, I won't be so surprised."

"Still, I'll be expecting you later. Don't be too late."

"I won't be."

For he plans to win Sakura's heart, and he knew he's going to need all the help he can get.

---

"He's coming," Tomoyo said as she re-entered the room, and Sakura's heart lurched.

Why it did, she had no idea.

"What the hell did you tell him?"

"That I was inviting him, of course."

"Smart," she said under her breath. "Why did you have to invite him?"

"He's your friend, that's why. Do you have any objections?"

"None that matter at this point," she breathed, feeling ridiculously irritated.

"Good. You can't do anything about it anymore."

"Figures."

"Shut up, we need to fix your makeup after your hair, so don't squirm too much."

"Tomoyo, I'm warning you..."

"Did I ever listen to you?"

"Not really."

"So just keep silent."

_Figures._


	4. Chapter 3: To Get Everything He Wants

Everything you want

Witch-Mistress-Animaru

A/N: Third chapter while I'm still writing the fourth one. It pays to have a clear outline of the story, don't you think?

The expression "figures" which I used last chapter is a shortened version of "it figures." Just so you know. (Grins)

3: To get everything he wants

At seven that evening, Sakura descended from the grand staircase of Daidouji mansion, looking positively radiant in a Venus-cut green silk dress. Her hair hung loosely around her face, the curls gracefully swaying as she moved. She looked perfectly sophisticated, elegance personified.

Inwardly, however, she was silently cursing her cousin-cum-best friend as she nearly catapulted downstairs, thanks to the three-inch stilettos strapped on her ankles.

She clutched on the wooden railings like a lifeline as she steadied herself, cursing under her breath.

_If I survive this night, I'm definitely going to murder Tomoyo._

Thankfully, she made it to the entrance hall without further accidents.

She saw Syaoran loitering by the hall, eyeing the house's interior with apparent interest. His back was turned against her so she cannot see his face.

Then he turned, and she nearly—very nearly in her opinion—swooned.

She quite forgot how lethal his charms and features were. He looked very smooth—and casual—in his black collared shirt and overcoat, his hands in his pockets, gazing at her with a smile.

_This is so wrong. He...he's my friend, for heaven's sake! I can't be attracted to him—I mean, hello, I knew how handsome he was before, but—damn it, stop thinking about it!_

"Are you okay?" He asked with a mild frown as her face showed the inner turmoil she felt.

"Yeah," she marveled at how steady her voice sounded. "I'm just feeling a bit queasy in these clothes."

"They look great on you," Syaoran said, smiling. "But then, you'd look good even in a pair of overalls."

She had to snort at that. "Quit pulling my leg."

"But I'm not," and she could see he was very, very serious. Her heart pounded painfully in her chest as she realized the intensity of his gaze.

_This is stupid. I'm making mountains out of molehills. He's my friend; of course he'll compliment me. What in heaven is wrong with me? I'm reading more out of the situation than there really is. God, if he knew, how embarrassing it'd be._

"There you go again," he murmured, eyeing her petulant expression with confusion. "I wonder what irked you, aside from Daidouji, that is. I hoped I didn't do it, though."

"Nothing, really. I'm just out of sorts, I told you."

"Maybe it's because you have no date for the evening? I'll very much oblige you."

_He's kidding. Of course he's kidding. He can't be serious!_

---

As it turns out, however, Syaoran is very much serious.

There he was in his study, a few hours before, poring over some accounts, when he received the call from Daidouji.

He wasted no time clearing up his desk. In an hour, he was all dressed and ready to go.

Except that that would have made him look like an idiot eager to go on his first date.

And so he waited. Passing time was such a drag as the seconds ticked away.

Then he drove like hell to Daidouji mansion.

But looking at Sakura now, he knew everything was worth it. Just worth it, if not more.

He wasn't even aware of talking coherently. For all he knew, he might have babbled nonsense to her and he'd not have a clue about it. He was, for lack of a better term, mesmerized.

Or maybe enchanted will do the trick.

"Uh, have you been drinking, Syaoran?" She asked softly, her eyes looking both wary and worried at the same time.

"No, of course not," he denied quickly. _I just basked in your radiance._ She had no idea how lethal her charms were to a man's sanity.

"You're sure? Oh, dear, I wonder what's holding Tomoyo up," she added the last sentence as an afterthought. She was at a loss of words for the first time with Syaoran.

"Knowing Daidouji, I think she's just trying to look her best." _No doubt so I can be alone with you._

_Oh, dear, is he trying to compliment my friend through me? _Sakura's mind forgot its inner discomfort about Syaoran's weird demeanor towards her as she thought of Tomoyo's comment earlier.

Really, Sakura could be dense sometimes.

"She's really taking her time, isn't she?"

"Daidouji could be very persistent," Syaoran clued in.

---

Tomoyo went down ten minutes later and she nearly groaned when she saw the pair downstairs laughing their heads off.

One would have to be blind not to notice they belonged together, she thought. Yet Sakura was oblivious of that fact, and Syaoran remains insecure because of that.

She took her videocam and secretly took snapshots and stolen video of the two before she revealed her presence by clearing her throat as she pranced downstairs.

"Oh, you're done." She very nearly laughed at the disappointed and somewhat wistful note in Syaoran's voice.

"Yes, I suppose I am," she said serenely, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "So, how do I look?" She twirled around, hoping Syaoran will remember their little plan as she did so.

"Wonderful, as always," it was Sakura who answered, a bit airily.

Or was it sarcasm Tomoyo heard in her voice?

"Yeah, you look dazzling," he said magnanimously albeit insincerely. She ought to kick the man in the shins. "Dazzling" was such a superficial, empty and exaggerated praise. Even an idiot would recognize the lack of ardor in such a word, said in such an offhand manner.

"Dazzling? You're sure? What about our Sakura? Doesn't she look _magnifique_?"

"She certainly is," he said unblinkingly, unaware of her sarcasm, and that was when Tomoyo realized just how deep Syaoran had fallen for Sakura.

Now if they can only put some sense back to Sakura's brain, everyone will be happy.

---

They arrived at Fukkusei Fashion Hall at quarter to eight. The place was brimming with bright lights and people from the upper crust of Nippon society. Women in daring evening gowns and brilliant, sparkling jewels darted from corner to corner of the ballroom. Men in expensive dinner jackets made of suede and cut in finest western style accompanied the women, their luxurious-smelling perfumes and colognes clashing all over the place.

Syaoran did not escape the prying eyes of the media as he passed. Many a gentleman shook his hand once or twice and chatted idly with him for a minute. One man even tried to push through a business deal with him in passing.

Tomoyo had her share of acquaintances. Daidouji Fashions is a most formidable brand of clothing for those with discriminating tastes. Aside from this, her looks alone made men nearly swoon at the sight of her.

Sakura did not consider herself a dazzling beauty as her cousin, but her renown as an award-winning and bestselling fiction writer has leaked through the crowd and many women made her acquaintance that night. The fact that she was related to _the_ Tomoyo Daidouji of Daidouji Fashions only increased their clamor to get to know her.

She was, in her own way, a celebrity of a different caliber. She may not be old money, or a blue blood by birth, but she had paved her way to be among the richest of Japan.

The fact that Syaoran was accompanying her instead of Tomoyo (a form of courtesy to their friendship, Sakura thought, but how very wrong she was) didn't improve matters. She was silently wishing for a moment's peace when they entered the main hall for the show. Tomoyo had conveniently disappeared, leaving Sakura and Syaoran prey to prying public eyes and malicious gossip.

"Are you alright?" Syaoran whispered as he helped her sit down in the front row (it helps when your cousin is influential).

"Yes...I'm just feeling a bit queasy, like that time in the restaurant, do you remember?"

"How can I forget? You hated restaurants thereafter."

"Wrong. I hated them even before you took me there."

"I stand corrected."

As they chatted, Sakura's initial apprehension soon vanished, replaced by good-natured humor and ease. Syaoran succeeded once more in taking her mind off social niceties such as proper behavior.

"Oh, look, it's starting," she said almost happily.

The first set of models wore the skimpiest evening gowns Sakura had ever seen and she can't help but point it out to Syaoran.

"...Oh, look, just pull that dress a bit more and her—" she mouthed the word 'breasts' before continuing—"will burst for us to see."

Syaoran sniggered at that.

"And look at that one—I'm quite sure that one's had a boob job. They don't make it that way naturally."

Syaoran refused to look anymore; his face was all too red from both her comments and from trying not to laugh.

---

Tomoyo had gone and sat on the other end of the first row, keeping a close yet unseen eye on the pair as they giggled and snickered silently throughout the first part of the show. She rolled her eyes.

How juvenile can some people get? Really, Sakura was her best friend, but she hoped she could appreciate fashion a bit more. Syaoran, however, seem to share Sakura's conservative sentiments about today's latest fashion modes.

Beside her she heard someone cough.

She darted an annoyed look at the pair who were now laughing their heads off over the mink selection.

_It's not a laughing matter! Why did Mom allow them to use minks?_

Then a voice explained that it was synthetic mink used, formulated by cosmetologists for fashion use. She saw that the people were keener to see the sheen of the fabric now that they know it isn't real mink from some poor animal.

She heard a cough again, followed by the clearing of a throat. She turned to see a man gazing intently at her. He had blue eyes and equally, if not darker shade of blue for hair.

"Excuse me, miss," he said the moment she turned, and her breath caught. "I heard you are the cousin of Miss Kinomoto, the famous writer. Is that right?"

She nodded absently.

"I'm Eriol Hiiragizawa," he held out an elegant hand. She very nearly did not take it from sheer shock. "I'm a huge fan of hers. I wonder if you can introduce us."

The moment his message sunk in, she felt disappointment welling inside her. She immediately felt guilty. Really, it was the first time a man introduced himself to her so that he can meet Sakura, so why was she feeling resentful towards her cousin who had not the slightest idea what was happening right now?

"Oh. I'm Daidouji Tomoyo, as you already know. But...if you are...interested with my cousin, I fear you might be too late. See that guy?" She pointed at Syaoran. "He's angling for her affection and I must tell you—"

"Whoa, wait a minute, lady," he said quickly, holding up his hands. "First of all, I'm not...that is to say, romantically inclined to Miss Kinomoto. That remains to be seen. I just wish to be introduced. So if you're keeping a torch for that man—isn't that Li Syaoran, her publisher? That's interesting. Well, as I said, you need not worry. If she really likes that man, I have no wish to compete."

_But that's just the problem! Sakura's being too dense with him!_

"Oh." She said in a small voice. "I'm sorry to have said that. But if you must know, I really like that guy for her."

"I'm likeable enough, I assure you."

_But you aren't perfect for her!_

_And he's perfect for you? _A tiny little voice answered inside her brain.

"It's not the point. Anyway, I'll introduce you after the show.

---

The show ended with both Sakura and Syaoran in the best of moods. Sakura had quite forgotten Tomoyo's disappearing act as she continued blabbing away.

"...and so I told him to get lost. That was the first time I ever did that, did you know? Well, apart from my big brother, anyway."

Then she saw Tomoyo standing a few feet away, apparently arguing with someone. The man had his back turned on them.

"...no, I wasn't being presumptuous. I was just warning you off, remove any false hopes."

"See? You're doing it again."

"Oh, whatever. Don't count on me on helping you with her, though."

"I don't need any."

"Fine." Sakura was fascinated. She never heard Tomoyo sound so snappish and haughty before. Then she looked up and saw Syaoran and Sakura standing near and she pulled the man with her.

All it took was one glance. Sakura's eyes widened; she very nearly swooned.

She met the man before, she was certain.

In her dreams.

And all it took was one look in Sakura's face to destroy Syaoran's good mood and break his heart to pieces.

As in Tomoyo's case.

Post-A/N: five more chapters and an epilogue.


	5. Chapter 4: All She Has Dreamt

Everything you want

Witch-Mistress-Animaru

A/N: Fourth chapter now. Four more chapters and an epilogue.

4: All she has dreamt

(The one she thought wanted) AKA  
To get everything he wants part two

"_I'm sitting down here but hey you can't see me_

_Kinda invisible you don't sense my stay_

_Not really hiding I'm not like a shadow_

_Just thought I would join you for one day."_

_-Sitting down here, Lene Marlin_

Sakura couldn't believe her eyes as she stared at the man beside Tomoyo.

_Oh god, oh god..._ She can't think of a single word to say.

But her face told it all.

The man was perfect. From his bespectacled eyes to his sleek blue hair, he simply was everything she'd been dreaming of.

She had met her perfect hero, she knew.

Tomoyo cleared her throat though she felt like crying.

"Er, Sakura-chan, I'd like you to meet Hiiragizawa Eriol. He professes he's a huge fan of yours. Hiiragizawa-kun, Kinomoto Sakura."

"How do you do?" He asked, holding out his palm. She took it...and waited...anticipated...

...the spark she was waiting for never came.

_I guess that was mere exaggeration._

"I'm fine, thanks," she said softly. "I'm flattered that a man reads my novels."

"Oh, they're fun to read." He said with a smile. "I loved the last one. Beyond enchanting."

"You embarrass me, sir," she smiled in such a flirtatious manner that both Tomoyo and Syaoran stared.

"Call me Eriol, if you please."

"Eriol it is then."

"Fine by me. But only if you call me Sakura."

---

Sakura barely talked on the way home. When Syaoran pulled the car to a stop in front of her driveway, she merely said an airy goodnight at the two of them and left.

"Looks like you've got competition." Tomoyo commented.

And her observations had obvious merit. Eriol Hiiragizawa and Sakura exchanged numbers and Sakura promised the former a date.

All in less than ten minutes.

"I know," he said, gripping the wheel tightly as he spoke.

"This one's tough." Tomoyo said quietly. "But I don't like him for Sakura, so you can expect my support."

"Thank you," he answered softly. He truly wanted to weep. Trust everything to turn sour somewhere near the end.

They were silent for the rest of the ride, both lost in their own thoughts.

---

Eriol couldn't believe his luck. He lost all hopes of ever meeting Kinomoto Sakura, but it seems like Fate was on his side.

Romance novels weren't his cup of tea. The reason he started reading her works was because of her face, plastered at the inner back cover of one of her novels that his secretary was reading.

And he lost all common sense in trying to get all her novels thereafter.

Now he has her number—she was within his reach. Everything will be easier. There came a time when he so badly wanted to meet her that he planned to send a fake fan mail so he can do so.

Only that would have alarmed her, so he thought better against it.

But now...he has to call her. He has to.

And call he did.

One, two, three rings...

"Hello?"

---

Sakura was chatting idly with Syaoran when an incoming call arrived.

"...if you'll believe me, Syaoran, I believe this is my first date which won't be a fiasco. I talked to him and he was very much an amiable fellow. What do you think of—oh, wait, I have a call coming in. Wait one moment." She pushed a button and answered the intruding caller.

"Hello?"

The person at the other end of the line cleared his throat.

"Hello?"

"Uh, yes, Sakura, it's Eriol here. Remember? We met earlier at Fukkusei."

"Oh, of course!" She said, feeling surprised. Yet she didn't feel too good about the call. She felt like he was intruding to some more important conversation.

"I was wondering if we can have coffee tomorrow, at lunchtime."

"Oh. Sure, sure," she wanted to kick herself. She knew her voice lacked enthusiasm. What the hell was wrong with her?

After having made the arrangements, they ended the call, Eriol sounding a bit disappointed that she ended it like that.

She returned to Syaoran's line, but it he was no longer there.

She wondered why she felt so empty because of that.

---

They had coffee at one of the best cafes in town. She ordered a frappe while he chose a strong espresso.

He was easy to talk with, fun to be with, and he was certainly not a dimwit. Nor was he a braggart. Yet she didn't feel too at ease with him. She felt tense all throughout and she can't say she enjoyed too much.

Yet he was simply perfect. She was sure of that. The way he talks reminds her of Syaoran.

She shuddered at the thought. Really, Syaoran was the perfect friend a woman can have. But his womanizing habits are simply awful—she'd never burden herself with such a gigolo.

She squirmed. Then she realized she never really saw him with other girls, so she has no idea what he was like with the opposite sex, truly.

And suddenly she wanted to know.

_What the hell, why are you thinking about Syaoran that way?_

Shaking her head, she tried to compose herself as she went back to her seat.

"Are you nervous?" Eriol asked the moment she sat down again.

"N-not really," she said with a faint laugh.

"Relax, you won't have fun if you won't do so." Funny, but that was almost the same thing Syaoran had said to her that first day.

_Oh, God, girl, you really have to stop thinking about him that way._

She smiled wanly, hoping against hope she can stop what she was doing—fantasizing her best guy friend while out on another date.

---

Syaoran sat in his office, pretending to pore over some documents, but not really seeing them.

Last night he dropped the line. Was Sakura mad at him? Probably not. He was sure he knew who called. He was sure Sakura was going on a date that night. Which is the main reason why he stayed in the office—it was nearer the restaurants and cafes than his house.

And he wished she'd call him to ask him to rescue her.

For if she doesn't... then he knows he has lost her.

Yet it was already nine in the evening and he has no call or text from her.

_God, please, no..._

---

Her date didn't go too well, she decided. It was passable, even nice, but it was, for lack of a better term, bland. It lacked the spark; the excitement she always dreamed would accompany her dream guy.

And Eriol was every bit her dream guy—apart from his looks—he was thoughtful, witty, sweet and caring. She couldn't ask for more.

Except that there was a problem with her. She was losing interest in him. And she wondered why. Maybe a second date will clear things up.

It must, for she doesn't want to lose Eriol, somehow.

She absently dialed Syaoran's home number, but his answering machine took her call.

She dropped the phone back to its receiver, feeling disappointed. He was always there for her, she realized, and now...

She wanted to laugh miserably. She's missing him, but she won't even admit it to herself.

---

Three weeks later, Sakura was feeling almost comfortable with Eriol (almost is the operative word). There were still embarrassing silences between the two of them but at least they were companionable.

She quite gave up on forcing herself to feel the so-called 'spark.' She decided it was exaggerated nonsense of literary artists like her.

She still hasn't talked to Syaoran after he dropped the call. She wondered if he was annoyed at her.

She has, miraculously, written yet another book and she has passed it on to the middle man (who was very much surprised, as she has been settling the matter directly with Syaoran the past weeks). She has not heard from him since.

It was as if their friendship was some hallucination she dreamed up. He disappeared from her life quite abruptly.

She wondered why.

---

Syaoran has very much accepted that Sakura was attracted to Eriol. It was why he avoided her like plague nowadays. He didn't want another heartache anymore than he already has.

Tomoyo wasn't about to give up, however.

"You can't give her up, you just can't." She kept on saying, but he could tell the idea was losing its zest.

He changed his cell number and everything so she can't reach him. He also tried to resume his dating activities without any success.

He can't focus if the girl wasn't her. Just Sakura.

Too bad he can't have her, he thought. For she's truly everything he wanted.

---

Eriol can't understand his self. Sakura was everything he pictured her to be. But somehow, something was amiss.

He doesn't quite understand it himself. He just felt like something was lacking. Like earlier that night. He tried, not for the first time, to kiss her goodnight.

The first time she dodged it and the kiss landed on her cheek. But that night, she allowed him a peck on the lips. But that was that. No romance, no passion, nada. He wondered if she was slowly rendering him impotent.

Or maybe not. He doesn't quite understand it.

Shaking his head, he went and headed for bed.

Then his phone rang.

His heart leapt to his throat as he answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Is this Hiiragizawa Eriol? Daidouji Tomoyo here," he froze, remembering a certain violet-eyed temptress sending dagger glances his way.

Now that's passion, he thought with a smirk.

"To what do I owe this pleasure, mademoiselle?"

---

Tomoyo gulped before she continued speaking. She was growing desperate. Eriol Hiiragizawa was Sakura's constant date and Li Syaoran was hell-bent on martyrdom. Someone had to do something.

"It's about Sakura," she blurted out.

"Ah, yes, I figured as much."

"I can't let you win, you know. I bet your dates have been less than satisfactory," she was taking a gamble, she knew, but she had to do it.

Silence. She waited in bated breath. Did she hit the bull's eye?

"But that's for me to know and you to never find out," he said in an almost singsong voice, but she could tell he was lying. Perhaps she wasn't so far-off from the truth.

She immediately dropped the call with a haughty "we'll see" and dialed Syaoran's number.

"Li? Listen to me. I have a feeling they are still less than okay. Will you stop being such a martyr and do something?"

"They dated constantly, Daidouji. She didn't ask me to rescue her. They're doing okay."

"Stupid reasoning and you know it." She said exasperatedly. "Listen to my plan..."

---

"Double date?" Sakura asked, surprised. "You've been dating Syaoran, haven't you?" She eyed Tomoyo suspiciously.

"No, I haven't," Tomoyo said as quickly as she could so she could appear guilty.

"Tomoyo, you didn't listen to me!"

"Come on, it will be fun!"

"Oh, fine. I also need to talk with that man. If you've been going out with him, I'd need to warn him about hurting you in any way."

It was settled then. She called Eriol to inform him of the change of plans. That night, they had the double date.

Syaoran and Tomoyo acted like lovebirds. Eriol didn't miss the exaggerated manner and knew that the war was on.

Sakura, meanwhile, who had no idea the two were merely acting, couldn't explain the sudden tightening of her chest.

She thought it was because she was so happy that her two friends might end up together.

But then, why does she want to cry so badly?

It was as if...as if...

It was as if her heart was being ripped to pieces.

Post-A/N: Chapters five and six on the making.


	6. Chapter 5: Losing What She Wants

Everything you want

Witch-Mistress-Animaru

A/N: Three more chapters to go and epilogue. Hope you enjoyed this little holiday treat I created. Told you it'll be concise. And the update's quick. See you next chapter.

5: Losing what she secretly wanted

(Giving her up)

"_Sometimes the very thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see."  
-Save the best for last, Vanessa Williams_

"_It is with the heart one can truly see;_

_What is essential is invisible to the eye."_

_-The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery_

Sakura controlled herself. She can't make a fool of herself here, for heaven's sake. She kept on eating and smiling horribly, that she felt like her lips were going to get ripped off.

Tomoyo eyed her friend with glee. She was right.

However, Eriol turned aggressive at that point. All is fair in love and war, they say, and this is a little something of both.

His efforts were moot, though. One look in Sakura's heartbroken face would have told him everything he needed to know.

Syaoran, meanwhile, was oblivious of Sakura's pain as he was busy nursing his wounded heart (all he could see was that she was happy with Eriol, period).

The evening ended in an unsettled score. By Tomoyo's sheer manipulation, she had somehow managed to make Syaoran end up taking Sakura home and Eriol she (albeit reluctantly).

Sakura had nothing to say to Syaoran for the first time.

She cleared her throat several times before she started speaking.

"So," she said in a voice uncharacteristically high-pitched. "You're seeing Tomoyo, aren't you?"

Syaoran didn't know how to answer that one so he kept quiet.

"Well, I'm j-just going to tell you not to toy with her, got that?"

"I'm not seeing her," he blurted out before he could stop it. "And if I were, would it mean anything to you?" _Stupid, stupid Syaoran! Of all the things to say..._

"N-not exactly," she didn't meet his eyes. She could feel her heart crumpling in her chest. She couldn't breathe; her eyes started to water. "I mean, I want to know you're treating her right."

"But as I said, I'm not seeing her. I'm not seeing anyone." _I was hoping you'd see me, you know._

"Oh. Oh, right."

The silence that followed was deafening.

"Sakura—"

"Syaoran—"

They spoke at the same time and stopped awkwardly at the same moment.

"You go first." Syaoran said as they rounded the curve.

"Okay." She breathed. "I just wanted to say..." _drat, what did she want to say?_ "...uh, even if you say you aren't seeing her, still, I want you to take care of her." _No, I want you to leave her alone! Because...because..._

"Damn it all," he said a bit too viciously as he pulled over; they have arrived at her house. "I told you I wasn't seeing her!"

"You don't have to shout at me!"

"I can't see her; I can't see anyone else because..." _it's now or never! _"...it's you I care about, don't you get it?"

She froze. "I...Syaoran..."

"You don't still get it." He said bitterly. "You don't even believe it even when I'm telling it to your face."

"You always said we were friends. Who was I to argue? You ask me if I'm seeing your cousin—my God, your cousin! If you knew..."

"Syaoran..."

"But I know where I stand. I wonder when I started becoming a martyr. I ought to be canonized. If it's Hiiragizawa you want, okay with me. I'm willing to let you go—that's how much I'm willing to sacrifice for you."

She was rendered speechless.

"Go, now. I swear I won't bother you again. I told Daidouji, God, I told her it won't work anyway. Stupid scheme of hers..."

She stared up at him, her whole world crashing down on her.

_Why, why, why?_ She could feel his tension, but she wouldn't—and couldn't—move.

Finally, she stepped out of the car.

"Why can't we be friends?" She whispered before she could stop herself.

"I will not be content with that," he said grimly, his voice cold all of a sudden. "And we can't be friends anymore. Not now that..." his voice trailed off.

"Goodbye, then...Li."

"Goodbye, Kinomoto." _Stupid Syaoran. You can't be content with friendship—and lost her in the process..._ His heart broke once more as he drove away.

Sakura ran to her bedroom without looking back. She knew her brother will ask all the awkward questions.

Like why she was crying.

She didn't even know why; she just felt like she lost more that her friend that night. Her heart was so painful it might explode.

She picked up her phone and dialed. Then she dropped the call when she realized she dialed Syaoran's number. She smiled bitterly. He was always there for her.

But then, life was just a matter of getting used to. She'd get on with her life.

He must not love her enough to fight for her, right?

She mustn't shed another tear. It's not like they had an understanding. They were friends, for heaven's sake!

Friends, how weird that word sounded now.

She dialed Tomoyo's number and waited, drying her tears quietly.

---

"It has to work," she argued as she settled herself in the front seat. "I won't allow you to destroy my plans."

"Really? I think it's a moot point."

"Then you don't really know my cousin well."

"I doubt if she knows herself," Eriol said dryly.

"Ah, shut up, you're driving me mad!"

"Aren't you already?"

She huffed and resorted to dignified silence.

Then her phone rang and she deemed to answer it.

It was Li Syaoran, sounding like he had a bad head cold.

"Daidouji," he started.

"Li, what the hell happened?"

"I told her," he said dully. "I told her and it was all said and done and in such bad timing too."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's done for. It's useless; we can't even be friends anymore. I think I shocked her."

"Have you ever heard the word subtlety, you moron? God, are you crying, Li? I think you are! What the hell happened?"

"Doesn't matter," he slurred the words this time. Oh, God. Just what she needed: a drunken man bawling his eyes out.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow."

She ended the call with a frown on her face. What happened to the two?

Her questions were answered a minute later, when her phone rang and it was Sakura.

Crying.

---

It wasn't like her to sleep the whole day, Sakura knew. But she had no wish to wake up that day. She felt so miserable.

Syaoran had always been her friend since that day. He was her confidante, her savior from less-than-satisfactory dates, her boss, her adviser...

He was everything she needed. Too bad she only saw that now.

Her head felt so heavy she didn't know what to do to dull the pain.

Why did losing Syaoran seem more painful than the fact that she feels absolutely nothing for Eriol, her supposed dream guy? She didn't even feel that panicky when she realized that the spark she longed for wasn't there.

As she thought, their relationship was just...bland.

Now that she thought about it, she never had a boring moment with Syaoran. She could be herself with him.

Now she destroyed it all.

She...she can't be in love with him as well, can she?

He wasn't even alike with Eriol in looks. They had similarities, but they were different in character altogether.

Yet she wasn't entirely sure she liked Eriol better...

She closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep again.

She won't think about it. When she wakes up, everything will be back to normal, right? Everything will be back to what they were before...

Oh, God, she hoped she was right...

---

_Saicha smiled to herself as she..._

The cursor blinked continuously as Sakura stared at the empty white space waiting to be filled with her words. In a fit of rage, she had gone and deleted a whole chapter in the story.

This was a new story supposedly, but for some reason she kept coming back to the first book where Syaoran made an appearance. Critics loved _Lee Xian Long,_ the heroine's best friend. They asked her if he's going to have a story of his own. His name was more remarkable than the protagonists, she realized.

And goodness, he now had his story.

The trouble was her heroine for him is still Saicha, his best friend from that book before.

The difference? Xian Long is in love with Saicha. Saicha, however, has met the perfect man of her dreams.

And that's where she stops. She has no idea what comes next.

Hell, she's not even sure if Saicha's in love with Xian Long. In that last book, he had no interest in Saicha. So how the hell does everything change?

She has entitled the book in many titles—_A Second Chance at Love; Love takes two; Paradise, take two; A Twist in Paradise (The first book's original title was Paradise)._

The problem was she doesn't know where to take the story now.

The doorbell rang; she cursed. Her brother had gone out and left her to wallow in her miserable state.

She ran towards the door and opened it.

Hiiragizawa Eriol was standing at her doorstep.

"Oh, Eriol-kun, it's you," she said blankly.

He handed her a bunch of red roses; she took them graciously.

"Hello, I thought I'd drop by for a while."

"Come in. Let me get you something. Sorry if it's a bit messy here. I've been writing and..."

"It's okay. Did I come at a bad time? I can come back—you look like a mess, Sakura. Are you alright?"

"Yes, yes, of course. Wait here," she said as she threw the papers at the bin.

She disappeared at the kitchen thereafter.

---

Eriol was dying out of curiosity. He wanted to know what she was writing about this time. Making sure she was still busily preparing snacks, he took a peek at the monitor screen.

The names Xian Long and Saicha sounded familiar—yeah, right, they were the best friends in the most controversial book she's ever written—Paradise. What the hell were they doing here?

Then it hit him—she may be revising the story so that Saicha and Xian Long end up together.

But why? From what he's heard, critics applauded her story simply because it points out that love isn't about perfect human beings...or something to that effect.

As he scanned that chapter, he realized that she was showing that Xian Long wasn't perfect, after all. He could see his characteristic flaws in the chapter he's reading.

Then a name leapt out to him: _Hiragato Errol._

Hiragato Errol, who was, apparently, Kirai Saicha's dream guy and constant date.

And apparently the best friend Lee Xian Long was now officially in love with Saicha.

But Saicha has not still decided, apparently, if she loved Lee Xian Long, though it's obvious that that's where the story's headed.

_Oh, god..._ he thought as he realized what it meant.

Lee Xian Long was _Li Syaoran._

Kirai Saicha was _Sakura._

He wanted to laugh sarcastically, mostly to himself. How could he have been so blind?

So Daidouji was right, after all.

"Eriol, here's—you weren't supposed to see that." Her voice was muffled and cold as she saw him browsing through the text.

"I know but I'm not sorry. I'm glad I did. Sakura..." he took a deep breath. Oddly enough, he didn't feel hurt or betrayed. He just felt disappointed. "...you have to admit it to yourself. You...you love Li Syaoran, don't you?"

"I don't!" She said vehemently, though her eyes looked bewildered.

"Don't let me get in the way. _Hiragato Errol _wasn't in _Paradise _before. _Paradise _was _Paradise_ because of _Saicha _and _Xian Long._" He said softly. "Though heavens, I know I'm better than that Syaoran guy, if he's who you want..."

"But he's not..."

"You're just confused," he said with a bit of a bitter smile. "Of what's ideal and what is real. I'm not perfect, Sakura. You just think I am. But he...he may be imperfect, but you see him as he is, no pretentions."

"Eriol..."

"I'm going now. I don't think I can eat right now. I'll be seeing you, then. And Sakura..."

"...Don't be afraid to go after what you want."


	7. Chapter 6: Admitting What She Wants

Everything you want

Witch-Mistress-Animaru

A/N: Two more chapters and an epilogue! I can do this! (God I haven't done a single assignment for the holidays just yet. I'll be cramming soon enough.)

6: Admitting what she wants

(aka _a real twist in paradise_)

"_There's someone out there for me._

_I know he's waiting so patiently..._

_Where is he, where is he, where is he?_

_Where is this beautiful guy?_

_Who is he who's gonna complete my world?_

_Who's gonna take me so high?"_

_- Where are you; Natalie and Justin Roman_

"_I was living for a dream, loving for a moment_

_Taking on the world, that was just my style_

_Now I look into your eyes, I can see forever_

_The search is over; you were with me all the while."_

_-The search is over, Survivor_

_You're waiting for someone to put you together_

_You're waiting for someone to push you away_

_There's always another wound to discover_

_There's always something more you wish he'd say..._

-Everything you want, Vertical Horizon

It has been a while since Eriol Hiiragizawa walked out of her house and—apparently—her life, yet Sakura has not yet recovered from her stupor.

God, what a fool she'd been. Everyone had seen it—why didn't she see it at once?

Maybe because she was scared of the magnitude of what she felt for him?

Or maybe because she refused to entertain the inner turmoil she felt whenever they linked hands, whenever he smiled at her?

_The spark had always been there..._

But she still can't believe it. After all, she has spent years pining after her ideal man. That is, as personified by Eriol Hiiragizawa.

Yet now that she thought about it...

_She smiled as Eriol ushered her to her seat. It was their first date ever—strangely enough, he took her to the restaurant where Syaoran took her to lunch._

_She felt that queasy feeling in her stomach again but she said nothing to Eriol._

_They ordered food and she just sat there, silently squirming in her seat. Disappointment welled inside her as Eriol continued eating, apparently unaware of her discomfort._

_If she was with Syaoran, she won't even be here... she suddenly found herself thinking out of the blue._

_She remembered the way they laughed—the way he laughed, actually, whenever she told him a story. And she can't help but think that Eriol came up short of his personality._

"_Are you alright? I mean, is this place okay with you? I never did ask you." Syaoran had asked her when she felt uncomfortable in that dining place._

"_We can go to another place." He had insisted, though she declined._

"_No need to look so nervous, Sakura—I may call you Sakura, right?" He had asked her permission to call her by her given name._

"_Oh, nonsense. Call me Syaoran. We've known each other for three years. Four, if you'd count that first year," he made her feel at home with him._

"_Where do you get such novel ideas for your stories? That last one—it was beyond wonderful, if you ask me." He asked her such flattering questions and let her talk all day long._

_He was thoughtful and sweet, he made her laugh—and, loathe she was to admit it, he made her tingle. He only had to smile for warmth to spread in her chest._

"_Is something the matter?" Eriol asked, eyeing her with a frown. She looked up disbelievingly. Could he have gauged her discomfort? "I swear I heard you cough."_

_Her shoulders hunched in disappointment. He didn't feel it, after all. Maybe she was expecting too much._

_Their date ended without further ado. He took her home and planted a kiss on her cheek before leaving._

_She had always hoped that her first date with the One will be something more, something almost...magical._

_And Eriol had come up short of her expectations._

It always came back to Syaoran, she realized now as she reminisced her other dates.

Somehow, they fell short and she called him to aid her because she found some paltry excuse in her date's behavior to do so. The truth was that, she wanted to be rescued by him.

_Her second date with Eriol wasn't so bad. She had insisted she'll be paying up. They went window shopping and she bought them takoyaki._

_...In the same street stall where Syaoran brought theirs that day a month before or so._

_Her third date she didn't enjoy much. He talked a lot, like herself and she didn't have the patience to listen or the inclination to do so. But she didn't have the heart to say anything._

_It went on and on. She got used to feeling down after each night had ended; she didn't realize how miserable she was._

_Then came that fateful night; the suggestion was totally unexpected, and from Tomoyo, too. Yet she felt like the words had jolted her back to life._

_She thought Eriol was perfect—yet she ended up always waiting for something more from him...something which would have made everything more worthwhile._

_Something romantic, something ideal. Something to lose sleep with._

_Something like..._

"_I can't see her; I can't see anyone else because... it's you I care about, don't you get it?" _She froze as she remembered that particular episode...the last time she saw Syaoran. His words echoed in her ears; it was strange that she remembered every word he said.

"_You don't even believe it even when I'm telling it to your face."_

"_You always said we were friends. Who was I to argue? You ask me if I'm seeing your cousin—my God, your cousin! If you knew..."_

"_But I know where I stand. I wonder when I started becoming a martyr. I ought to be canonized. If it's Hiiragizawa you want, okay with me. I'm willing to let you go—that's how much I'm willing to sacrifice for you."_

"_Why can't we be friends?" She whispered before she could stop herself._

"_I will not be content with that. And we can't be friends anymore. Not now that..." _

Oh, god.

What a fool she'd been.

She said she didn't love him when she actually did. She lied to herself, denied herself of the truth.

It's unbelievable. The desperate-for-romance Kinomoto Sakura was afraid of falling in love with the one man who'll have her, to the one who'd seen her for who she is and accepted everything about her.

_Can I really be in love with him? I might be romanticizing our lost friendship._ She couldn't help but doubt what she felt. After all, it was the first time she felt this way.

_It's awful. It hurts...it hurts so much to have let him go..._

"_Don't be afraid to go after what you want,"_ Eriol Hiiragizawa had said.

Was she really afraid? Was she really in love with him? Was she really wrong to have let him have the last say? Should she have stopped him?

_Did she want him, after all?_

Heaven help her, she didn't know.

Yet she knew one thing: she didn't want their friendship to end that way. She had to talk to him. She just had to.

---

Syaoran was growing worried. It has been almost a month since Sakura has passed a rough draft. It didn't take her this long to finish writing her novel and sending it to him for proofreading.

But he can't let her know that. She can't find out that he still holds a torch for her. After all, everything had been spoken for between the both of them. After all that had been said and done, what was there left for them to talk about?

He said he'd let her go, and even if it was the hardest thing for him to do, he will do it. He has already given up—now, if he could only get a move on with his life.

If he could only replace her memories with that of someone else.

He called their middle man, but he said he had not heard from Sakura for a long time, either.

And Syaoran felt, somehow, that his worry had been not without basis.

Something's wrong.

And though he was dying to find out for himself, he can't do so. As a matter of fact, he had to leave office early today to meet his date.

Sighing, he willed himself to forget Sakura and walked out of the office.

---

Sakura dashed off, her novel manuscript in hand. She knew the office was already closed, but she was hoping she'd catch Syaoran in his office still. She knew him well enough to know he spends late evenings in the office. As a matter of fact, every time she called him then to rescue her, he had been busy working himself overtime.

She didn't care if the novel she was carrying wasn't even finished yet. She just had to have a reason to see him.

But Syaoran wasn't in the office anymore. She arrived in time to see his car drive off the parking lot.

Frowning, she went and asked the security guard where he was headed, but the guard just shrugged before resuming his rounds.

She felt so disappointed she wanted to cry.

She tried his house, the Li mansion, but his car wasn't there either.

Finally accepting that she couldn't see him just yet that night, Sakura resolved to come by his office the next day.

She sat down on a park bench on the way home, smiling to her self as she saw the stall where they bought the late-night snack takoyaki they ate together.

She had so much fun then, she realized.

Now she was plain miserable.

She was about to leave when she heard voices. She smiled. Other people seemed to have discovered their secret spot, then, she thought.

She stood up, willing to leave the unaware couple alone when she heard the man's voice much clearer.

"...nice night, isn't it?"

The girl (or woman) answered some polite murmur but it merely passed through her head. She can't be mistaken. She knew that voice, had known it since forever.

Li Syaoran. And the fact that he was with a girl suddenly made it difficult to breathe.

She was glad she was hidden by a nearby shrub as she saw them: they were sprawled on top of Syaoran's sleek black car as they stared at the sky. The woman was tall, elegant and sophisticated. She was very beautiful, Sakura thought bitterly, her heart in her throat as she watched them; Syaoran had wrapped his arms around her and they admired the view in silence.

Then the woman turned and kissed Syaoran. That did it.

She ran off, unaware of the ruckus she had made, her tears trailing behind her.

She dropped her manuscript as she did so.

_I can't bear it, I just can't. God, it hurts...it hurts right here, in my chest. Why is life so unfair?_

---

Syaoran can't say he was having fun. When Vera, Syaoran's date for that night, kissed him, he felt nothing. Not even the slightest desire or spark of interest.

Vera was one of those girls who used to come and go in his life. He guessed she's okay, but after Sakura she was awful company. She talked of nothing but lipstick shades and the latest fashion—he can't even talk to her about the weather.

It was bloody hard to let Sakura go when he kept coming back to places which remind him of her more, he knew, but he can't help it. Maybe in his subconscious, he wants to duplicate what they shared with someone else.

Only he can't.

"Who's there?" Vera suddenly said sharply as they broke the kiss because of a loud noise from one of the shrubs. She must have heard it, too.

He turned in time to see someone running away, her back turned to them. Damned if she wasn't familiar. He only had to look at her and know it was Sakura.

Sakura.

_What was she doing here?_ He thought as he jumped off and dashed after her, but she was too quick with much of a head start as well.

"Sakura!" He called, but she didn't turn back.

He looked down at his feet and saw an envelope labeled: _A Twist in Paradise._ It must be her new book.

_She'd gone to see me?_

He looked at the synopsis of the book and frowned. The names were familiar. _Xian Long and Saicha._

Ah, yes. _Paradise,_ the controversial book. He looked at the title again and frowned.

_What the hell is going on?_

---

Syaoran had taken Vera home and now he sat in his office, his mind whirling.

His head ached so badly he was afraid it was going to explode.

It began when he read Sakura's message to the readers.

_Dear reader, _it started. _This isn't an ordinary novel. If you will recall (if you have read it), these are the same names as the protagonists in Paradise, the best friends Saicha and Xian Long. Many have applauded my story, apparently, but I guess I have to rectify some mistakes I made._

_You see, Xian Long is based on someone who used to be dear to me. We had a falling out. Maybe I'm making amends, maybe I'm not, but this time, I want to share with you what will happen now between Saicha and Xian Long, if they cannot be friends._

_I would also like you to meet a new character...whose name you'll find out later. Happy reading._

He can't believe it.

He browsed through the manuscript, flicking it to and fro.

He still can't believe it. The story was unfinished, but the message was clear: she wanted Saicha and Xian Long to end up together this time.

She just didn't know how it's going to happen. Frankly, he has no idea either. But he guessed the best way to start is to talk with her.

For the first time in weeks, he smiled without the slightest bitterness.

_There's hope for us, after all. I still love you, you know._

Post-A/N: see you next chapter and advanced happy New Year, wherever you are.


	8. Chapter 7: Taking What She Wants

Everything you want

Witch-Mistress-Animaru

A/N: Verses inspired by Vertical Horizon's Everything You Want

P.S. It's taking all my willpower not to give up on writing fiction. This is quite an insidious turn from writing nonfiction feature articles. Insidious because I fear that I have written nonfiction for so long, with all its rigidity in structure and I cannot easily revert to the fanciful language of fiction, and I also worry that I might intermingle the two and confuse them. Bear with me if some words become trite as we progress—I'll try my best to remember all the rules of fiction as I write.

7: Taking what she wants

(A little honesty)

"_I'll be standing at the edge of the earth_

_Hoping that one day you'll be back again."_

_- Standing at the edge of the earth, Blessed Union of Souls_

"_I've got a riddle for you..._

_There's a reason for the word you and I."_

_-The riddle, Five for Fighting_

"_And she said I...I just love you_

_I don't know why, I just do."_

_- I Just Love You, Five for Fighting_

_He's nothing that I want; not what I thought I need_

_Yet he's everything inside of me that I wish someone else would be_

_I think he says all the wrong things, at exactly the wrong time_

_Yet he means everything to me and I don't know why..._

Green eyes stared blankly, unblinkingly at the ceiling as Sakura lay in bed, her brain an aching mass of flesh within her head, her heart beating steadily and dully at her chest.

Last night kept playing in her mind's eye, like an annoying movie she can't shut off.

A beautiful woman—not girlish-looking like she was, but beautiful in the true sense of the word, was kissing her _best friend_. Supposed best friend, that is. Until said best friend confessed unrequited love not so long ago.

And to think she believed him, truly believed him. How he must have laughed if he knew how she lost nights of sleep over his stupid confession.

_We can't be friends anymore…_

_I won't be content with that…_

_And,_ a treacherous voice inside her brain wheezed out as if to taunt her and haunt her, _think of it, what would an ordinary girl like you have to offer a man like Li Syaoran—a man who has everything? You saw it—he can have any girl he wants. He's just decided to make a conquest out of you. Compared to his women, you are nothing, nothing…_

…except that she was his best friend. Or was that another of his pretenses?

Yet she saw what she did as the truth she was seeking. She, Kinomoto Sakura, can only aspire for as much as prettiness, while his past conquests had been legendary beauties—women of the world, sophisticated, elegant.

She was anything but elegant, clumsy even—a complete klutz who hated being the center of attention.

_Stop moping, Sakura,_ she scolded herself. _Don't you pride in being unique, being your own person? There are too many artifices in the world and you aren't one of them. You should be grateful—someday soon, didn't you believe that someone would find your mere novelty a real treasure? So why are you so upset about not being a dazzling beauty?_

Yet her stupid heart won't listen. For in truth, it wasn't her appearance that depressed her.

It was the sight of Syaoran with another that induced this feeling of wretched helplessness—or was it helpless wretchedness? She didn't know the difference anymore.

It was just so like her to escape even deciding how she felt.

It was just so pathetic that she very nearly laughed to hysterics.

_It will pass._

_No it won't, and you know it._

_It certainly will pass. I never fancied myself in love with Syaoran._

_Go and fool yourself, if it eases your pain._

Yet she cannot lie anymore—not to anyone, even herself. For even denial has lost its healing powers.

_She loved him—loved Li Syaoran with all her heart._

--

The executives of _Aishou_ were in the middle of a meeting, with Li Syaoran presiding over them. For the past five years or so, since Syaoran became the CEO of the top publishing house in Japan, everyone felt confident that he will be able to do his duty without problems. That is, no one contested his leadership—they had few scruples and qualms over his way of running things.

Today, however, as the well-respected Li Syaoran's eyes slid continually sideways, looking a little dazed as his attention strayed on anywhere but the meeting, executive members of the board started to get annoyed with the childish behavior emanating from a supposedly-dignified head executive.

Li Syaoran was aware of the way they were gazing at him, but he was impervious from all antagonistic looks and efforts to bring his thoughts back to the meeting.

He was too busy contemplating his own future to worry about raising the ire of his colleagues. He was awake all night thinking of how to talk to Sakura now and get her to admit how she felt—if it was indeed true.

One of his associates cleared his throat. "Li-san, what do you say to this expansion proposal?"

"Huh?" was his reply, and as he straightened in his seat he cannot help but see the awestruck looks in every associate's face—except his mother's, who was seated at the other end of the conference table. Li Yelan was regarding her son with amused exasperation on her face.

"Chan-san is asking your opinion on the expansion, Syaoran," she said softly, eyeing him carefully.

When Syaoran continued to look bemused, Yelan decided to take matters to her own hands.

"Gentlemen, I believe we need to settle this another time—my son has an important…ah, matter to take care of that we cannot forgo. I trust we can wait on his decision afterward?"

The executives mumbled incoherent assents before agreeing to adjourn the meeting.

Li Syaoran did not stir from his seat, apparently unaware that the meeting has been adjourned.

"Syaoran…Syaoran!" He looked up, bewildered to see that only his mother was left in the conference room.

"Wha—where did they go? Is it finished?"

"Yes, since you were unable to grace us with your presence, we decided to break early. Really, what has gotten to you today?"

"Nothing," he said, already dashing off after having rechecked his briefcase.

"Where are you going, young man?" Yelan nearly shrieked, but she was already talking to his back before the door swung shut after him.

_Really, now…_

--

Sakura sat all fidgety in a coffee shop not far from _Aishou._ She had just garnered enough strength to get out of bed and walk in the building to see Li Syaoran, but she turned chicken the last minute, running out of the parking lot before anyone she knew could spot her.

Out of sheer habit, she found herself walking towards the coffee shop she'd graced since forever with Syaoran during lunch. As if her nerves needed any more stretching, she just informed the barista in the counter that she wanted "the usual," which translated to an ultra-strong cup of espresso. Those were the days when she spent the whole night on a date and she slept only a few hours before prancing on to tell Syaoran the sordid details of a night gone wrong, and she relied on "good ol' coffee" to perk her up to shape.

So here she was, brooding over a cup of coffee as she contemplated her dulling head and her heart still beating erratically. Here she was, so close and yet so far from him.

She knew his schedule by heart, so he's probably on the middle of a meeting now, she estimated.

And since she was anything but prepared to see him after that awkward episode last night, she best left now before she bumped into him—she'd certainly blurt incoherent stuff out, and she won't be able to face him again.

--

Syaoran had been watching her for a while now, unsure whether he ought to approach her—unsure if his presence might alarm her and cause her to bolt, away from him.

She looked so—so disheveled, so out of her element as she sat in the shop, trying her best to finish her drink though she looked like she might throw it up.

She was so thin, her hair in disarray and her face looking stricken, as if she has been crying. She looked scarcely like the professional she was, rather she was so childlike, the way her lips were trembling. He can't help but feel the urge to wrap his arms around her and take her away from whatever had caused her pain.

Suddenly she stood up, and he very nearly bumped his head on the ceiling of his car as he did the same.

_Did she sense him watching her, causing her alarm?_

He watched her walk on, apparently caught in her own thoughts that she did not see him alight from the car and approach her.

When she did see him, he felt her tension build—he was almost afraid she'd walk away, but she did not. She stood there, as if transfixed by his appearance.

"Sakura—" he began, forgetting his oath to never call her by her given name again, uncertain of what to say, for he knew, one wrong move, one wrong word could send her sprinting away from him, her trust thoroughly shattered.

--

Sakura thought she might faint at the sight of Li Syaoran coming forward, obviously toward her.

He called her name, and there was no escape.

"Hello," she replied with a steadiness she did not feel at all.

"I—" he broke off, clearing his throat. "Sakura…are you mad at me?"

Her gaze flew to his face in surprise. "Why—why should I be mad?"

"Aren't you?" He asked as he approached until she was at arm's length, his breath fanning her face as he looked at her, wreaking havoc to her senses.

"I am not…" her voice trailed off. _Since when did we become strangers?_ "Did you…by any chance…" her voice was tiny as she asked, "find my manuscript yesterday? I seem to have dropped it."

Syaoran knew then that Sakura will not relent if he said he had deciphered the story quite easily so, and that he saw for himself that she had—even against her will—found herself in love with him, so he answered as gently as he could. "I have, yes, but I found out it was an incomplete manuscript."

"I…couldn't seem to find an appropriate ending for it," she admitted, not meeting his eyes.

"What do you say we discuss this over dinner tonight?"

"Dinner?"

"Since it is past lunchtime, and the street is hardly an appropriate place to discuss…such matters, maybe we can do so later?"

"I…" she felt breathless all of a sudden as she mustered an answer. "Yes, that would be fine."

"I'll see you later then," he said before he took a step back and bid her farewell.

--

"So you agreed to go," Tomoyo said, and if only Sakura wasn't too busy moping, she'd have seen the triumphant matchmaking gleam in her cousin's eyes.

"Oh, it was stupid of me to have done so. What am I going to do?"

"First, you need to calm down."

"Calm down?" She very nearly shrieked. "I…I can't explain it, but I feel like I am some high-strung wire whenever he is around…"

_All the more better,_ Tomoyo thought as she gazed at her cousin's panic-stricken face.

"..This has never happened to me before, Tomoyo! Why do I act like an idiot around him _now,_ for God's sake, when I have known him for months, years even and we got along just fine! Now I cannot even string two words together. He must think I'm some blundering, stupid idiot now…"

"Ah, that's where you're wrong, Sakura-chan. Li thinks many things of you, but never an idiot."

"But then….oh, my God, I realized I have always been a klutz around him. What will he think of me now? Oh, dear…"

"Klutz? After all the times you've spent in his company, you worry about him thinking you're a klutz? He endured you that long? Oh, dear, you are really a gem, Sakura-chan. Now, don't worry your pretty head, you need to control yourself. Don't lose your head again, if you know what I mean. Besides," Tomoyo added with a hint of smile on her voice, "you know I'm going to help you prepare for tonight, so don't worry."

"Oh, dear, I'd rather not…"

But prepare they did, anyway, and by the time Tomoyo was through with her, Sakura was donned in a pretty green dress which, according to Tomoyo, brought out the color of her eyes more. She remained perfectly still as Tomoyo fixed her hair and makeup, fearing that if she took one step in the three-inch stilettos Tomoyo put her in, she'd stumble and lose what little grace her dress lent her tonight.

"Now, Sakura, don't hunch your shoulders like that, it isn't at all flattering."

"I can't help it," she said, twiddling her thumbs as she stood before the mirror.

"Stay put, will you, I'm not quite done with you yet—there, these emeralds have the effect I wanted. You look ravishing, cousin," Tomoyo said as she stared at the mirror and scowled. "If only you'd stop looking like a nervous wreck."

Sakura's lips were trembling, her eyes wide, that she looked so much like a woman in shock—no, make that a child in shock.

"I'm ugly," she squealed. "He…he won't even look at me now," she added, trying so hard to compose herself and failing quite dismally.

"Baka," Tomoyo said with amused countenance. "You know that's not true," she added as she swept a stray lock of auburn hair from Sakura's face. "Believe me, you have nothing to worry about. Nothing at all."

--

Syaoran was sharing her same doubts that same moment.

It was insane to even consider meeting her now. But he had to clear off things with her.

First off, the little matter of _Vera,_ and the issues between them…

…then he can get down to the little matter of Saicha and Xian Long.

So he went and fetched her and very nearly got knocked out by the mere sight of her.

Sakura was everything he ever wanted.

And it was so ironic that she was the one thing that he still cannot attain.

Tomoyo led her cousin downstairs and handed her over to her latest date with a slightly warning smile, as if telling him to take care of her or else.

As if he'll do anything less than take care of Sakura.

He smiled reassuringly before he took her hand, which he noted was clammy and rather shaking.

As they sat in a rather fancy restaurant, Syaoran cannot help but remember that first day—the day everything changed for him, the day he called Kinomoto Sakura to congratulate her on her best book yet.

"Do you remember the day we met—I mean, truly met?"

"What?" Sakura answered, disconcerted from his abrupt questioning. Then she smiled serenely. "I think you were bludgeoning about the office, asking who wrote nonsense on some important paper. I very nearly swept my office clean then, scurrying away from you."

"I…yeah, well, that was…not really, I was remembering the day I called you to come up my office just to congratulate you."

"Oh, I remember…yes, I was a bit apprehensive about that. But you…you weren't what I thought you would be, like some ill-mannered, high-handed oaf…"

They both laughed.

"And then…and then you offered to take me to lunch! Of all the places—hey," she said, loosening up further. "This _was_ the place."

He grinned, and suddenly it felt like old times again, except…

"My dear Miss Sakura Kinomoto, may we start all over again?"

TBC

A/N: This chapter took me weeks to write, taking every ounce of will power and imagination I have to get back on the right track. The last chapter-cum-epilogue is up next time—which I hope won't be too far away. But maybe I can only hope…not promise. Bear with me. All explanations are in my profile…I think.


	9. Chapter 8: Forever in Paradise

Everything you want

Witch-Mistress-Animaru

A/N: Lyrics on the story from Vertical Horizon's Everything You Want. However, I altered some of those depending on the POV. Help me get through this.

8: Forever in Paradise

_Let's start over—I'll try to make it right this time around. It's not over…_

_- Daughtry_

_I will see you forever…_

_- Forever, Vertical Horizon_

_After all this time_

_I never thought we'd be here_

_Never thought we'd be here_

_When my love for you was blind_

_But I couldn't make you see it_

_Couldn't make you see it_

_That I loved you more than you'll ever know_

_A part of me died when I let you go_

_After all this why_

_Would you ever wanna leave it_

_Maybe you could not believe it_

_- Blind, Lifehouse_

For a moment, Sakura was thrown off-balance by Syaoran's outlandish smile and his words sent all her senses reeling.

Yet despite his light tone and the mischievous look in his eyes, Sakura was certain that Syaoran was anxious to see her reaction, and he was, in fact, very serious about his proposition.

She smiled, although she felt like she was going to drop dead with all the tension she was feeling that moment.

And she just realized how she was tempted by his offer…how delightful it would be…

…_for them to start all over again…_

"Somewhere along the lines of our acquaintance, something went very wrong. Allow me to rectify that," he said with a slight smile meant to comfort.

"Oh, I will be delighted to renew our acquaintance, Mr. Li." She said lightly, her eyes glittering like emeralds on fire, and Syaoran nearly sighed with relief.

"Syaoran. I give you leave to call me by my given name," he said with a dashing smile.

"Oh, didn't it go this way—er…is that…will it be wise to do so, Mr. Li?"

"Gads, your memory is infallible. I hope we get on as well as we did before. But no matter, I will not force you to call me by my name until you are comfortable to do so."

She avoided his eye as they headed towards a table in the far corner of the restaurant and a maître d' ushered them to their seats.

His hand felt warm and oddly possessive, wrapped around her waist as they went. Yet she found she did not mind the least—for it felt like she belonged there, in his arms.

"Didn't that day go with you offering to take me to another place?" She asked shakily, feeling as awkward as she did that first day.

"But you didn't take the offer, remember? Besides, I'm not hell-bent on recreating that day. We…we are really…I want us to really start again. With a clean slate, zero records. No past deeds and misdeeds between us." He gave her a wink before they sat down.

And this time, Sakura's the one mesmerized.

--

They were dining quietly, bursting to conversation then and now, but Sakura cannot shake the feeling she was having. Like…like it wasn't right, or something.

She stared at Syaoran in fascination. This was a side of him she never saw before—and she suddenly realized why he was tagged dashing and charming, for that was exactly what he had been for the past hour or so. Yet she can't help but feel as if everything was a fake. As if everything was for show. And she couldn't understand it at all.

"What would you like for dessert?" He'd inquired politely. She answered as politely and he turned to the waiter to give their orders.

"Are you okay?" He'd asked maybe a few times or so, but it was as if he wasn't seeing her. Like it was some courtesy he was required to do.

"Will that suffice for you?" He was cautious of everything, that he forgot a little detail—to really have fun. The spark that had been there the moment he joked about the past came and went too swiftly…and everything went downhill since.

Then the date came to an end and she was suddenly disappointed, yet again. She was so familiar with the feeling that it hurt her that she could feel that way after she had dated him…

Yet here was that same feeling she had every time she went home from a date. What went wrong tonight? She wondered. They started out marvelously, but on the whole, she believed it was less than what she expected.

She wanted him to sweep her off her feet, make her feel like a queen. His queen. Not like some fancy doll he's bought and he's afraid her head would fall off if he so much as touched her.

They had arrived at her house, and Syaoran turned off the ignition, yet he did not open the power lock. They sat in silence, Sakura waiting with bated breath.

--

Syaoran could have kicked himself. Damn it, what went wrong? He went to great lengths to ensure the success of this evening, but it seems like he miscalculated. Everything went from awry to awful in a span of minutes.

They acted like stupid, nervous teenagers on their first date. Well, technically speaking, it _was_ indeed their first date, but…oh, hell. What was he going to do?

He didn't need to be a genius to know that Sakura was very, very disappointed. Damn it all to hell! He can't have her saying all the "let's just be friends" crap, but if he didn't do something, anything…they might just go that way—down the drain. Everything wasted.

Why can't he just be good with words like those pocketbook heroes she'd written about? Why can't he be smooth and suave with the one woman he wanted?

Most of all, why was he sitting there like an idiot instead of kissing her already and be done with it?

And he knew the answer—he was afraid to scare her off for good.

Which was why he behaved rather too pompous earlier. And now she looked like she was about to cry before his very eyes.

_Oh, shit. What will I do?_

--

Sakura was caught up in her own thoughts at that moment.

She waited so long for this moment. No, that wasn't right. She didn't wait. She wished…and hoped for some magic, some sort of spark. But there was nothing, nada. And it could've been better…so much better, in her thoughts.

Now she doubts if she'd imagined that she loved him because she was desperate for a relationship.

She wondered if love was overrated, if she was expecting too much out of them both. Maybe she was. Then again, she was always a dreamer…a fool, some would say.

_Somewhere there's speaking_

_It's already coming in_

_Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind_

_You never could get it_

_Unless you were fed it_

_Now you're here and you don't know why_

She didn't know what to do, but the silence was becoming unbearable—she had to do something, say anything…

"Syaoran…"

He stiffened, turning to her with questioning, worried eyes.

"Yeah?"

"I…" _had a wonderful time,_ she wanted to say, but the words won't come out. Instead, she blurted out, "I…I…I…I-I…oh, never mind."

Yet she was bursting to say something, anything to remove the bitterness spreading from within, remove the pain of losing even him…

"Go on, tell me."

"Oh, to hell with it. Here goes what I have to say."

"All right. I hated that restaurant and I think everything about tonight was fake—orchestrated, if you know what I mean. I kind of wished we let things run course but obviously something went very wrong and because of that, I think I have to rethink everything I have been feeling and I won't be able to do so if—no, don't interrupt me—I won't be able to do so if we stay like this so if you please, can we say goodbye here, even just for now? I think…I made a mistake in agreeing to see you this way…" She said this very quickly, not knowing the pain she inflicted him with those words.

"Sakura, please…"

"No…I can't…I can't continue lying and say I enjoyed the night… as a matter of fact, I felt like you were being eaten up by emptiness. It isn't right. I feel so…disappointed hardly comes close, you know? I felt like a fish out of the water with you earlier. It…it wasn't you."

Syaoran froze. He hated how she said it, but it was true.

He became too phony earlier. What was he to do?

He removed the power lock and waited for her to alight.

_I…can't be me with you anymore…why?_

She turned her back on him but didn't start walking away. She was shaking, yet she didn't know why. She didn't even know she was crying until her cheeks got wet.

Then he spoke, and she froze.

"I'm sorry," his voice was barely a whisper, making her heart ache all the more, and then she pushed the door behind her and the car drove away.

_But under skinned knees and the skid marks_

_Past the places where you used to learn_

_You howl and listen_

_Listen and wait for the_

_Echoes of angels who won't return_

She entered her house, trying to control her sobs wracking through her whole being. Why did she say those things? Why can't she have bothered with pleasantries and told him everything was A-okay? Why did she have to end everything that way? Looking back, they were stupid words anyway and she hated herself some more.

She sat in the bed, not bothering to change or anything. Her ears were straining to hear even the slightest noise outside indicating Syaoran's return. She wasn't just disappointed, she thought. There was something more to her pain. For after all, she loved Syaoran…didn't she? Was she being too hard on him?

_He's everything I'd want_

_Everything I'd ever need_

_He's everything inside of me_

_That I wish I could be_

_He may not say all the right things_

_At exactly the right time_

_But he means everything to me_

_And I don't know why_

Maybe, just maybe, they can try again sometime. It wasn't right, not fair to let him slip away because of one night gone wrong.

_I'm waiting for him_

_To put me together_

_I'm hoping that he won't push me away_

_There's always another wound to discover_

_There's always something more I wish he'd say_

_That I'm everything he wants_

_Everything he needs_

_Everything inside of him_

_Wishes he could be_

_Then for once he'd say the right thing_

_At exactly the right time_

_That he loves me more than everything_

_And he won't make me cry_

Yet her heart lost hope as the minutes passed…god, was it only an hour ago that he left her on the doorstep? She shouldn't have been too…too expectant. She knew he tried his best.

_But you'll just sit tight_

_And watch it unwind_

_It's only what you're asking for_

_And you'll be just fine_

_With all of your time_

_It's only what you're waiting for_

How long she sat there, she didn't know. Then everything began clinking to place.

Syaoran wasn't being arrogant and detached from her. He was nervous. She remembered how his hands shook slightly as he ate and how he was sweating despite the cool air-conditioning system in the place.

God, he was too nervous around her.

Syaoran didn't hate her…nor was he indifferent towards her.

Syaoran must feel…something…still…

She had to keep hoping that he did, for she won't have him any other way—except all the way in love.

_Out of the island_

_Into the highway_

_Past the places where you might have turned_

_You never did notice_

_But you still hide away_

_The anger of angels who won't return_

She stood and ran towards the door, ready to scourge Tokyo all over to find him.

Yet she didn't have to look very far, for he was standing right outside, his hand about to knock the door. For a minute, they stared at each other for so long. Then Sakura laughed shakily.

"Syaoran, I…I was way out of line…sorry. It's just that…"

"You don't need to explain. In fact, I want to…you know, apologize…I think I drove you crazy tonight, with my stupidity, of course…"

"I don't want you pretending to be someone else to impress me. In fact…I want everything back to when we can be comfortable with each other, Syaoran, maybe it's all for the best…"

Syaoran's shoulders slumped.

"…except that maybe I want a little more this time. Syaoran…can I…be…" She took a deep breath.

"…the one for you?"

_You're everything I want_

_Everything I need_

_Everything inside of me_

_And more that I could be_

_You can say all the wrong things_

_At exactly the wrong time_

_You'd still mean everything to me_

_Cause you are my love_

Syaoran stood frozen for a while as he gazed at Sakura, daring not to believe his ears. Then, when he looked at her eyes and happiness shining there, he knew he heard her correctly.

"Actually, I came back to apologize…and because I forgot to do something."

"What is it?"

"This," he said and crossed the distance between them, capturing her lips in a searing kiss.

_I am everything you want_

_I am everything you need_

_I am everything inside of you_

_That you wish you could be_

_I can't say all the right things_

_At exactly the right time_

_But I know I mean everything to you_

_And I love you too…_

"I've always wanted to do that."

"I was hoping all night you'd do that, too," both of them laughed as they stepped inside Sakura's house, Syaoran's arm wrapped around her shoulder.

"I think I can get around finishing my book now, you know…"

"I think I can help you with ideas…"

Their voices faded in the darkness as they closed the door behind them.

--

Eriol was driving by the neighborhood when he saw a couple down one house kissing passionately outside the house.

Looking closer, it was Li Syaoran and the girl he used to date, Kinomoto Sakura.

It was funny, but for a long time he dreamt of sharing that same passion with her, but now he felt nothing but happiness for her and her boyfriend.

He smiled a bit caustically. He made her see sense, after all. He's not supposed to harbor any hard feelings for her.

Yet he can't help but feel a bit sad…and hurt…

_I'm everything you wanted_

_I'm everything you said you needed_

_I'm everything inside of you_

_You said you wish you could be_

_I said all the right things _

_At exactly the right time_

_But I meant nothing to you _

_And now I know why…_

_FINE_

Epilogue

_A Twist in Paradise_ ended up in the bestsellers' list once more. Critics commended Sakura for demystifying Lee Xian Long's character and showing his flaws. Then, they also liked the new twist, how a best friend can sacrifice everything for the one he loves. And of course, they liked Kirai Saicha's dense attitude and the way she came around. Syaoran announced their engagement to the world after the book was launched and they were married shortly thereafter.

_**A Twist in Paradise**_

**Li Sakura nee Kinomoto**

Kirai Saicha wanted the perfect man. She imposed a lot of qualities on him, such as intelligence, fortune, fame…whatever she would have wanted to have for herself. Of course, he had to be handsome as well. It just so happens there's one man in her life exactly like that—too bad he's her best friend, Lee Xian Long.

Lee Xian Long was the perfect friend. He teased her endlessly but he supported her every move. He was there for her for all the heartaches and breakups she had to endure. More importantly, he understood her so much that she could tell him everything…everything.

Theirs was the perfect friendship, until Saicha finds out that Xian Long was in love with her. Her perfectly stable world turned upside down, inside out. Suddenly they weren't friends anymore, and Saicha saw more and more of Xian Long's imperfections as time passed…Yet why was she getting attracted to him more and more? She can't be in love with her ex-best friend…can she?

**About the author of **_**A Twist in Paradise**_

This book was inspired by the author's own love story and true love, which she found at the process of writing of this book. Li Sakura nee Kinomoto married her publisher and best friend (who read this through before it got approved), Li Syaoran.

The Lis live in Tomoeda, Japan, (a quaint town somewhere in the suburbs) with their little son and daughter. Ms. Sakura is expecting another child as this book gets reprinted for the fifth time.

THE END

Post A/N: Watch out for Tomoyo's and Eriol's love story as soon as I get around finding a suitable song for them.


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